The Rundown · Week 3 · Season 33
Do you remember, the 21st night of September?
Monday night took Dart on the 7th play, and 3 of us lost along with him. Levi spends his last $100. Don and Tim both sit on 277 total points. Week 2 in full and looking ahead to Week 3.
Cincinnati ·
Ba-dee-ya. Say, do you remember? Ba-dee-ya. Losing in September!
From the Commissioner's Desk
Fellas. Monday night was September 21st, and 3 of us had Giants in the lineup. I had Jaxson Dart. Levi had Malik Nabers and the ol' Scatpack. Jeff had Isaiah Likely. The Giants scored 6. Dart's knee went on the 7th play of the game, Nabers caught 1 ball for 1 yard, Skattebo ran for 36, and Likely gave Jeff 3. That's 9 points from 4 starters, and all 3 of us lost.
Earth, Wind & Dart. Dart is done for the year. Levi lost by 5, I lost by 32, and Jeff lost by 59.
Elsewhere, "Mr. Tryna 3peat" finally got one, by 5, over the man who then spent his last $100 before 4 AM. "Mr. My Poo Looked Like Foxes Running In A Field" put up 110 and set the best lineup in the league. Sir Douglas the Sleeper went back to sleep, 64. And Vanilla Don and the inTIMinator are both sitting on 277 points, which ties the most anybody has ever scored through 2 weeks in this league. Matt did it in 2022 and finished 4th, so everybody calm down.
Week 2 Results
The 2 best teams in the league both won. Nothing else played out like I expected.
Eric 99 over Levi 94Phatty Daddy · Jonathan Taylor 25 · Sassy Balls · Brock Purdy 43
Sassy Balls got stepped on in a game the projections had him winning by 6. Purdy went 20 of 22 for 43 and it still wasn't enough. Eric won by 5 with Bo Nix's 28 sitting on his bench, and Levi had Romeo Doubs' 9 sitting on his.
Josiah 95 over Matt 88No Punt Intended · Jalen Hurts 27 · Rivendell Rangers · Omarion Hampton 17
Josiah started the Bucs defense for 4 and left the Patriots' 19 on his bench, and won anyway. Rivendell is 0-2 with more points than 7 other teams.
Tim 119 over Jeff 60The inTIMinator · Lamar Jackson 26 · Little Isaacs · Bryce Young 37
Bryce Young went for 37 and the rest of Little Isaacs went for 23. Tim won by 59 without a 30-point game from anybody.
Don 130 over Nathan 64Vanilla Don · Josh Allen 51 · The Teletubbies · Baker Mayfield 20
Josh Allen, 5 touchdowns in the new stadium, 51. Don left 86 points on his bench and beat the Tubbies by 66. Henry 13, Montgomery 2, the $9 tight end 0.
Bobby & Steve 101 over Jalan 69The Aging Ballers · Joe Burrow 26 · Open On Sundays · Kyren Williams 15
Both benches outscored both quarterbacks: Dak 41 behind Burrow's 26, Goff 44 behind Dart's 2. Chase's catch is further down.
Jason 110 over David 85Foxes Running In A Field · Matthew Stafford 41 · De'Coldest Toevadoit · Jaxon Smith-Njigba 33
Lineup of the Week for the Foxes, 110 of a possible 119. JSN went 9 for 155 and 3 scores for De'Coldest, 33, and Caleb Williams pulled a hamstring on the way to 14.
Studs, Duds and Benches
Who showed up, who didn't, and who did it from the bench.- Studs
- Josh Allen, 51 points.5 touchdowns in the first game ever played in the new Highmark Stadium. Crazy.
- Brock Purdy, 43 points.20 of 22. Purfect.
- Matthew Stafford, 41 points.327 yards and 4 touchdowns on the Giants. Dart lasted 7 plays. Stafford lasted 4 quarters. One of them is done for the year, and it isn't the 38-year-old.
- Bryce Young, 37 points.$30 on the wire last Wednesday. Bryce is right. Don't forget to spay and neuter your pets.
- Jaxon Smith-Njigba, 33 points.9 for 155 and 3 scores, 82 of it inside the first 2 plays of the game. I think the breakout for JSN has arrived.
- Davante Adams, 31 points.8 for 195. The Giants could not find him with a map, a GPS or the FBI.
- On the bench: 206 points of quarterback
- Patrick Mahomes, 48 points.Mahomes Alone. 382 yards and 3 scores on Don's bench. Allen had 51, so Don started the right one, and Don still won by 66.
- Jared Goff, 44 points.327 and 4 touchdowns on Thursday night. I saw most of the highlights of it and started shaking my head in fear of Monday night, not knowing how Monday was going to turn out. With Goff I win that game by 10. Of the 206 points sitting on benches at quarterback this week, mine were the only ones that cost anybody a game. This one still hurts.
- Dak Prescott, 41 points.26 of 31, 4 touchdowns and a Cowboys career record, on the Ballers' bench for the 2nd straight week. They won by 32 anyway, so Dak is just wasting away over there while Burrow does 26. Somebody in this league would play him. (Cough, cough, give him to me. I got $5 FAAB with his name on it.)
- C.J. Stroud, 37 points.On David's bench, behind a hamstring. Start him and De'Coldest loses by 2 instead of 25. Still a loss.
- Tyler Shough, 36 points.He Shough-ed up again. Second straight week on No Punt's bench, and Josiah won anyway, again.
- Duds
- Jaxson Dart, 2 points.7 plays.
- Malik Nabers, 0 points.4 targets, 1 catch, 1 yard.
- Saquon Barkley, 1 point.Saquon Barely. A stinger in the first half, back after halftime, 1 point.
- Puka Nacua, DNP.Was in Jeff's lineup anyway. A game-time call on Monday, so no fine.
- Mike Gesicki, 0 points.$9 for him last week, 0 points this week. Should have started Jake Ferguson, who had 16 on the bench.
- Bijan Robinson, 7 points.The Falcons scored 3 as a team. Is this the beginning of the end of the Bijan Robinson boom era? (Sorry, Phatty Daddy.)
The Start Matters
How often a 2-week record has turned into a playoff spot in this league, 2005 to 2025.Every team that started 0-2, 1-1 or 2-0 since 2005, and how many of them made the playoffs that year. The 3 names under each tile are this year's teams sitting on that record.
17 of 55
72 of 138
36 of 55
Two years ago both teams in the final started 0-2. Eric won it. Bobby and Steve lost it. Tim has started 0-2 three times (2016, 2022, 2023) and made the playoffs all three, and went to the final the first time. Don started 0-2 last year and finished 3rd. Matt's 206 points are the 5th-most an 0-2 team has ever had here. The 4 ahead of him: 231 in 2013, Tim's 227 in 2016, Jalan's 221 in 2011 (made it), and Bobby's 221 in 2012 (didn't).
Three Things
277 and 277.
Vanilla Don and the inTIMinator have scored exactly the same number of points, and it's the most anybody has ever had through 2 weeks in this league. Matt's 2022 team had 277 too, and that's the whole list.
Don got there with Allen's 51 and Mahomes' 48 sitting behind him. He has given up 120 points all year; nobody else is under 163. Tim got there without a big week from anybody. Lamar 26, Gibbs 17, Walker 17, Smith 17, Olave 14, and it added up to 119 and a 59-point win. Both of them are 21-1 in all-play. Everybody else is auditioning for third.
No Punt Intended is 2-0 with the 7th-most points in the league.
Josiah has won his 2 games by 14 and 7 and took Luckiest Win both weeks. In all-play, your record if you played all 11 other teams every week, he's 9-13. Sunday he started the Bucs defense for 4 and left the Patriots' 19 on his bench. Shough had 36 in reserve again. He beat Matt by 7 anyway. McCaffrey got in twice for 18. Amon-Ra went 9 for 142 and 2 scores, 26. Hurts had the comeback in Tennessee, 27. He hasn't spent a dollar on the wire while the rest of the league has spent $288 over the first 3 weeks.
Now he gets Don. Josiah leads the head-to-head 5-3 and put 164 on Mr. Vanilla himself in Week 2 last year, the worst loss in their series. But Don has not played a close game yet this year. We'll see who comes out on top.
"Mr. My Poo Looked Like Foxes Running In A Field" went from 56 to 110, and the $60 he paid for a receiver last week had nothing to do with it.
Stafford threw 4 touchdowns at the Giants (that still hurts), 41 points. CeeDee Lamb went 8 for 153 and 2 scores for 27 points. 68 of the 110 came from just 2 starters, and the Foxes used 110 of a possible 119 points, which is Lineup of the Week. Jalen Coker, the $60 man, gave him 6 in his first week on the roster. Kaelon Black, the $30 man, sat warming the bench. Jason has $10 left for the year and A.J. Brown is still on injured reserve. Stafford made all the difference between last week's 56 and this week's 110. He gets Bobby and Steve this week and has beaten them 4 straight times.
Weekly Superlatives
Ten of them, every week, counted all season.
- High Score. Don, 130
- Low Score. Jeff, 60
Jeff's healthy starters didn't help: Pollard 6, Stevenson 4, Jameson Williams 3, Likely 3. - Closest Game. Eric over Levi by 5
- Biggest Blowout. Don over Nathan by 66
- Should Have Started Him. Jalan sat Jared Goff (44)
Mine. - Luckiest Win. Josiah won with 95
Second week in a row for our Bama boy. - Toughest Loss. Levi lost with 94
By the numbers it's Levi. By feel it's me. Everything was set up to beat the Ballers until my quarterback lasted 7 plays, and instead two old guys brought their walkers out and curb-stomped me. - Waiver Pickup of the Week. Bryce Young, 37 for Jeff
$30 last Wednesday, and dropped 37 on Sunday. The first waiver pickup of the year to lead his team in scoring. - Lineup of the Week. Jason, 92% of the best lineup · 110 of a possible 119
- Manager of the Week. Jason. From 56 to 110 in 7 days.
Fantasy football is feast or famine. Bottom of the league to the top of it in 7 days, with the best lineup in the league on the way.
Season count
Through Week 2.
| Award | Season tally |
|---|---|
| High Score | Don 1 · Tim 1 |
| Low Score | Jason 1 · Jeff 1 |
| Closest Game | Eric 1 · Josiah 1 |
| Biggest Blowout | Don 2 |
| Should Have Started Him | Eric 1 · Jalan 1 |
| Luckiest Win | Josiah 2 |
| Toughest Loss | Levi 1 · Matt 1 |
| Waiver Pickup of the Week | Jeff 1 |
| Lineup of the Week | David 1 · Jason 1 |
| Manager of the Week | Jason 1 · Nathan 1 |
Standings
2 weeks in, and there are 2 teams at the top, then there's everybody else.All-play is what your record would be if you played all 11 other teams every week. It is the fastest way to tell whose team plays well, and not just who had a good matchup.
| Team | Record | PF | PA | All-play Wk 2 | All-play Season |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1. TimThe inTIMinator | 2-0 | 277 | 167 | 10-1-0 | 21-1-0 |
| 2. DonVanilla Don | 2-0 | 277 | 120 | 11-0-0 | 21-1-0 |
| 3. JosiahNo Punt Intended | 2-0 | 184 | 163 | 6-5-0 | 9-13-0 |
| 4. DavidDe'Coldest Toevadoit | 1-1 | 221 | 224 | 3-8-0 | 12-10-0 |
| 5. EricPhatty Daddy | 1-1 | 206 | 252 | 7-4-0 | 12-10-0 |
| 6. NathanThe Teletubbies | 1-1 | 198 | 248 | 1-10-0 | 9-13-0 |
| 7. JasonFoxes Running In A Field | 1-1 | 166 | 232 | 9-2-0 | 9-13-0 |
| 8. Bobby & SteveThe Aging Ballers | 1-1 | 165 | 167 | 8-3-0 | 9-13-0 |
| 9. JeffLittle Isaacs | 1-1 | 158 | 183 | 0-11-0 | 4-18-0 |
| 10. MattRivendell Rangers | 0-2 | 206 | 229 | 4-7-0 | 11-11-0 |
| 11. JalanOpen On Sundays | 0-2 | 183 | 237 | 2-9-0 | 8-14-0 |
| 12. LeviSassy Balls | 0-2 | 169 | 188 | 5-6-0 | 7-15-0 |
Commish Power Rankings
Complaints go in the group text.- 1. Don ▲1 Vanilla Don · 2-0 · 138.5 ppg · all-play 21-1Won by 91 and 66. Has given up 120 points all year; nobody else is under 163.
2. Tim ▼1 The inTIMinator · 2-0 · 138.5 ppg · all-play 21-1119 without a 30-point game from anybody. 21-1 in all-play, same as Don.
3. David • De'Coldest Toevadoit · 1-1 · 110.5 ppg · all-play 12-10221 points, 3rd-most. Started Williams over Stroud and it cost 23 in a game he lost by 25.
4. Eric ▲4 Phatty Daddy · 1-1 · 103.0 ppg · all-play 12-10First win, by 5, with Nix's 28 behind Love's 20. Paid $15 this morning for a tight end after Mayer's 2. We'll see.- 5. Josiah ▲4 No Punt Intended · 2-0 · 92.0 ppg · all-play 9-132-0 by 14 and 7, and 9-13 in all-play.
6. Nathan ▼2 The Teletubbies · 1-1 · 99.0 ppg · all-play 9-1338 under projection. The Tubbies just couldn't Tubby. Henry 13, Montgomery 2, and the $9 tight end from last week's wire 0.
7. Matt ▼2 Rivendell Rangers · 0-2 · 103.0 ppg · all-play 11-11206 points and 0-2. The 5th-most points an 0-2 team has ever had here.
8. Bobby & Steve ▲3 The Aging Ballers · 1-1 · 82.5 ppg · all-play 9-13Won by 32 with Dak's 41 on the bench.
9. Jalan ▼2 Open On Sundays · 0-2 · 91.5 ppg · all-play 8-1469, the worst lineup efficiency in the league at 60%. (Thank you, Jared Goff and Jaxson Dart.)- 10. Jason ▲2 Foxes Running In A Field · 1-1 · 83.0 ppg · all-play 9-1356 to 110, with $10 left for the year.
11. Levi ▼1 Sassy Balls · 0-2 · 84.5 ppg · all-play 7-15Toughest Loss of the week, 94 to Eric's 99.
12. Jeff ▼6 Little Isaacs · 1-1 · 79.0 ppg · all-play 4-1860, and 4-18 against the field. 1-1 anyway.
You Paid How Much?!
Three claims cleared at 3:38 AM. One man went for broke.
$288 in waiver money has moved through the first 3 weeks of the season, and $190 of it is Levi and Jason going for broke on what they hope are difference makers for the rest of the year. The other 10 of us have moved $98 between us.
Around the League
Four things that happened to somebody's roster.
CincinnatiJa'Marr Chase made the catch of the year, and the Ballers caught his best game of the season so far
3:35 left in the 2nd quarter, Burrow throws to the right sideline, and Chase twists, toe-taps and comes down with a 32-yard touchdown at an angle the Bengals' own website is calling the catch of the year. He caught 2 scores on the day, 19 points after the 1 he gave the Ballers in Week 1. Cincinnati won 20-6. The defense ended a 65-game streak of allowing at least 1 touchdown, the longest in NFL history, and that was 8 points for the Bengals D/ST on Open On Sundays.
ChicagoCaleb Williams pulled a hamstring and the Bears are calling it week-to-week
Non-contact, 4th quarter, scrambling in the rain in a 9-3 loss to Minnesota, a week after the Bears scored 59. He walked out of the locker room without a limp. Ben Johnson has him week-to-week, and that's Bears for "we're not saying." Tyson Bagent starts Monday night against the Eagles if he can't go. Stop painting your nails 💅 and play football. Photo: ChicagoBears.com
WashingtonJayden Daniels dislocated his elbow on the last play of the first half
The same left elbow he dislocated last November. X-rays showed no fracture; he left the stadium with his arm in a sling and more tests to come. Daniels is on Jeff's bench. Jeff starts Bryce Young, who has 6 touchdowns and 1 interception through 2 games, so the man who paid $30 last Wednesday doesn't have a quarterback problem. His problem is the rest of the lineup. Photo: Commanders.com
New YorkJaxson Dart lasted 7 plays, and his season is over
The knee went on the opening drive. The first read Monday night was an MCL sprain, Tuesday's MRI said worse, and Wednesday the word came down: season-ending surgery. MCL, PCL and meniscus, with the ACL intact, so he should be back to full strength next year. Jameis Winston starts against the Titans on Sunday. Malik Nabers hurt his shoulder in the same game and at least came back to play, 1 catch for 1 yard. We'll see what that offense looks like without Dart in it. Levi has Nabers and Skattebo, Jeff has Likely, and I have a quarterback to find. Photo: Giants.comWeek 3
The 2 best teams in the league finally have to play somebody.
Watch: Two 2-0s. Don has given up 120 all year. Josiah has won his 2 by 21 combined. Last year's Week 2 between these two went 164-78 to No Punt. 4 apart on the board.
Watch: Eric's first win came by 5. Jeff's leading scorer is a $30 waiver claim, and Barkley and Nacua are both questionable.
Watch: Matt has 206 points and nothing to show for them. Levi has 2 new expensive additions and $0. 13 apart on the board.
Watch: Tim has 277 points on the year and I have the worst quarterback situation in the league. My whole team is on the block, as always. I've won the last 3 against Tim, and I'm praying for a miracle as David faces Goliath this week.
Watch: Caleb Williams is doubtful, and the Tubbies could use the production they showed 2 weeks ago against a De'Coldest team that's reeling. Nathan has won 5 of the last 6 regular-season meetings, but David has JSN. 24 apart on the board.
Watch: Burrow's career passer rating is 93 in September and 104 in October, and the Bengals offense started putting something together Sunday. That's the risk for Jason, who has the Lineup of the Week and $10.
My Picks
Don. He's won by 91 and 66 and hasn't been in a close one yet. Josiah's 2 wins were by 14 and 7, with the better lineup on his bench both times.
Eric. Jeff's best player last week was a $30 waiver claim, and Barkley is questionable again.
Matt. 206 points and an 0-2 record means the draw has been doing the damage. I'm betting on the points.
Tim. I said it above. Praying for a miracle.
David. JSN just went for 33, and the Tubbies have followed 134 with 64.
Jason. 4 straight over the Ballers, and Stafford has already thrown 4 touchdowns in a game this year. Burrow warming up is the risk.
Ledger of Weekly Picks
I'm 2 and 4 on last week's picks.- Eric over Levipicked Eric · ✓ hit
- Tim over Jeffpicked Tim · ✓ hit
- Josiah over Mattpicked Matt · ✗ miss
- Don over Nathanpicked Nathan · ✗ miss
- Bobby & Steve over Jalanpicked Jalan · ✗ miss
- Jason over Davidpicked David · ✗ miss
2 right, 4 wrong, and none of the 4 were close. Eric and Tim hit. Nathan lost by 66. Matt lost to Josiah. David started the wrong quarterback. And I picked myself against the Ballers while also starting the wrong quarterback. I'm 5 and 7 on picks for the year so far.
Congratulations if you made it this far.
The offer is now $2 in FAAB for everybody if I ever go 6 for 6 on my picks in a given week. Nobody's getting paid this week.
Next Wednesday
Week 3 in full, the wire, the Week 4 slate, and the picks.
P.S. I made 2 of these and thought this one was too good to keep for myself. Enjoy.